I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
