I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
