I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
