During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
