2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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