I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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