I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
