dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
