can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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