you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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