I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
