You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
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