...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
