Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
