I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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