If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
