I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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