I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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