ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You should frame my arrest warrant.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
