found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
