1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
