If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
