I accidentally burped into my bong.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
