ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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