i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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