she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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