dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
