So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
