Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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