Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
