Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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