My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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