I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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