Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
