i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
