you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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