i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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