Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
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