be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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