apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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