i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
