ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
