By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Yo dont text me then not text me
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
