I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
