After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
