Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
