I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
