it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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