My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
So vagazzling was a success
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
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