Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I DEMAND FORESKIN
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
