Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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