Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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