My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
