We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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